She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
