we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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