Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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