just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
