sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
