Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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