It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Text me some of your sweat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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