True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
