I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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