1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
