god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
