Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
