I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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