Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
