i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
