So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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