Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
