i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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