The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
