just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
