It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
