Only a mothe r could love this liver
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
