I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
