ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
