Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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