You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
