before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
