I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
