i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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