thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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