barbara walters just said penis...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
