I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
