who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize