What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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