i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
