i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
