I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
