shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
