I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
