Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
