At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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