i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
