the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
