The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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