I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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