If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize