Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
