I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
