Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
