kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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