There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
