She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
