New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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