Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
