and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
