I can text with my tongue
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
