I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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