did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
