I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
