youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
