he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
