I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we're making bets on your personal life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
