I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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