you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's blow job season.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
