I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
