you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize