Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Farmville is her only friend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
