normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
