I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
