Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
