And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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