i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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