I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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