Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
