evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
