i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
